Benefit of the Doubt

We are moving.

Again.

Since Todd and I met almost 23 years ago, this will be our seventh move (#luckyseven). We have yet to leave Greater Milwaukee. With six of us, grateful for the means to do with what we like, life is too short to stay uncomfortable in a house that doesn’t fit our ever-changing lifestyle. Although the process can be a lot of work, we have ultimately always collectively been happy with our choices. 

For some reason other people seem to have a real problem with this,

which I find fascinating. It really throws them off. Our announcement usually results in passive aggressive “jokes” rather than honest curiosity. Reactive questions are often asked without what feels like the benefit of the doubt. We are very fortunate in that we have never been forced to leave a home unwillingly. Yet commonly the remarks we hear actually sound condescending (similar to when I was pregnant 4 times within 6 years). Most often our decision seems to be viewed as an act of impulsion, based on a superficial appeal of our home. Weird. 

To be fair, we can be impulsive.

Also to be fair though, we have made mistakes (many of which we have learned from). We have also made some pretty epic choices (meet our imperfect, impulsive, happy, and relatively self-aware children). These days, though, when I recognize that an opinion about us feels like a judgment,

I am keenly aware that it actually has nothing to do with us.

As the brilliant and prolific Toni Morrison once said, “Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined”. This reminds me of a quote by Roy T. Bennett from The Light in the Heart: “What other people think and say about you is none of your business”.

Honestly, my stomach drops a little with disappointment each time our news is met with doubt. However, I quickly recover (with just a little bit less respect) for an impulsive comment coming from anyone who isn’t us.  

Because for us, it’s not about where or what size our home is, it’s about who lives there and how WE feel about it.